old age

you wanna know what causes stress? LIFE. the one thing that is on my mind right now is money. isn't it just sad to live in a world knowing everything you do or have accomplished are determined by how much money you have. being smart is not enough, being healthy is not enough, being you is not enough. yes, you can say having lots of money doesn't guarantee happiness, and that you can live out of love, you can start a successful business and be Donald Trump from having nothing and bla bla. but those people are like what, the 10% of the world population?... what if you fall in that other 90?

how many students drop out of college from shortage of money? sorry i don't have the statistics here, but i'm guessing, a lot. doesn't it break your heart to know the only thing that stands in your way between you and success is money? with economy like this, the living expenses, you wouldn't survive even if you're a genius. there are so many smart people out there. you're just a needle in a hay stack.

doesn't it bother you that the future generation will be worse? my teenage children will have to worry about the same thing i am thinking now. i guess this is why i hate growing up. there's so much things to think about. i'm not even working yet, and my head already filled with money problems. i'm not even enrolled into college yet for that matter. money sounds too grown up for me. i don't think i'm ready.

if i could have one wish, i wish i could go back in time. not to undo things, not to fix any problems... but to just enjoy life. i would go back in time when i was 5 years old or so, when i don't know how to count money, when i have nothing on my mind, when i look up the sky... i'm amazed how birds could fly.

oh, come on!

i knew i'll never hear the end of it. that's why i knew i shouldn't be thrilled. it wasn't enough, i know. i can't be mad, i don't regret. i'm just... stupefied. whatever that means.

but when i look at them, all of them, i just wanna say i'm sorry... but i'm not. it's what it is, i refuse to feel guilty.

so err, i'm sorry i'm not sorry...?

ps : today would probably be the fifth, or sixth time i eat one of these, in my life.
yes, i counted. so what?