i call it idiocrasy

lately, i haven't had any lovey-dovey feeling left in me. zero. nothing. i'm at the highest level of cynicism right now. anything that resembles love, grosses me out.

when watching romantics movies, i used to smile the whole way and i'll say 'awww' at the end of it when they live happily ever after. and if they don't, i'll be sympathetic and probably cry over it.
but now, when i'm watching, i'll have this look -_- throughout the movie and when it's finished i'll say 'tu je ke? ek eleh'.

i'm not a fan of love songs anymore. i used to listen tentatively and go deep into the lyrics, and imagine the songs were written based on my life. now, i listen to the music in the background rather than the lyrics. i'm focused more on the piano or the guitar or the drums or the strings than the singer itself. for lyrics that i listened to, most of the time i'll say 'heh, takde la best sangat'.

if i hear people tell stories about their love life, how they miss or love their significant other, i'll have this smirk face in my heart and have this kind of choked laugh and say 'haha, kids nowadays'. or if i read somewhere, a blog for instance, that talk about these touchy-feely stuff, i would be reading with this face -_- and say 'eww, apahal gedik sangat?'

but of course, my cynicism is only in my head. i don't go around telling people how idiotic they sound to their faces. am i maturing?... to the state where i can say 'they're young, they'll learn'? or am i going backwards?... to when a little kid hears the word love, she just wanna say 'yuckk'?

what the fret is wrong with me? i'm enjoying this for now... but i'm sure someday i'll miss the-more-vulnerable me.



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